The phone rang at 6am yesterday morning and it was my mother in Miami.
I knew it was bad news.
“Your father is choking”, she said, “I think he is dying”.
I knew this call would be coming for along time. For more than a year in fact. Yet when it finally does come, I don’t think anyone is ever really prepared for it.
We had been planning on leaving for London on Friday. Instead, we scrambled to get on a flight to Miami, which is where I am now.
We drove directly from the airport to the hospital where my mother was waiting. My sister and one of her kids joined us.
They have moved him to the hospice. He is DNR, and I suppose it is only now a matter of time. Hours.. days… one does not know.
Do you know the way to San Jose?
My father had been in decline almost five years. He suffered a series of strokes, each one taking away another function, until he was bedridden, and finally unable even to swallow. It was long, slow, tortuous and ultimately stripping away the last vestiges of dignity.
A few years ago, when the strokes started to come, we went down to Florida to visit my mother and father.
On that trip, my father had just lost the ability to walk. We went out and bought him a wheelchair, and Lisa and I took him for a walk in the small nature preserve that is adjacent to their condo in Key Biscayne.
We pushed him in the chair and we sang “Do You Know The Way To San Jose”. It was his favorite song.
“Take a picture of your dad” she said to me. “There will come a time when you will want to remember this moment.”
Watching him struggle for breath, I took out the picture.
The time has arrived.
21 Comments
Jerry Fortenberry December 23, 2008
The cycle of life is understood by all but understanding, doesn’t make it much easier. Remember the good times and time will heal the rest.
Eric Wotila December 23, 2008
Losing a loved one is always very hard… I’m sorry to hear about your father, and I certainly wish you and your family the best getting through this.
Adam R. Sweet December 21, 2008
Peace be with you and your family
Jay Russell December 20, 2008
number 1 we all have sap from the tree which held us. You are strong and the things that your parents gave you they treasure to see again. Our prayers are with you and I know he is holding integrity which is the ultimate parting possession . God bless you
Eva Sollberger December 19, 2008
Michael,
That is an wretched call to get but how tremendous that you can be there with your father now.
I was there to watch my grandfather slip away and I recall how serene he was in the end. All soft, translucent and hairless like a baby returning to the womb. We all end up there in the end.
The goal of all life is death.
– Sigmund Freud
Best wishes and sympathies,
Eva
Perhaps our fear of death is but embryonic fear of life.
– Dagobert D. Runes
pencilgod December 19, 2008
I got the call about my Dad ten years ago, my work had me on the other side of the world… I didn’t make it back in time. I’ll always regret that.
As tough as this time is I’m glad you are there for your father.
Deepest sympathy
Stephen
John Mounier December 19, 2008
Hang tough Michael…
Lord Phresche December 19, 2008
I’m sorry for your pain. My prayers go out to you and yours.
Duane Halgrimson December 19, 2008
I got that call four years ago for my dad. My sympathy to you and your family.
eb December 19, 2008
Take care. God bless.
meltaylor December 18, 2008
your dad is in our prayers michael
mel taylor
! December 18, 2008
thoughts are with you.
Alan December 18, 2008
All the best Michael to you and your family. Keep life simple until you are ready to move on.
Scotty p December 18, 2008
God Bless! I know I don’t want to get that call and I wish you all the best. My Pop saw you on 60 minutes a while back and thinks you have a brilliant mind. ( watch out he probably wants to borrow a few bucks- lol) The piece was very interesting and I’m in marketing myself and I wonder If I could promote my company Lazy Days Vacations with a hand handy cam and post deals on youtube and other media outlets. God Speed , Bye now! ScottP
Kathy O’Brien December 18, 2008
When I spotted this headline and photo, I thought I was in for yet another post about the pending death of the newspaper business.
Imagine my surprise to discover something quite different.
May your father soon cross the finish line of life’s marathon.
Safran December 18, 2008
How terrible. Sympathies to all.
$ December 18, 2008
It’s a time for family and you are where you are needed most Mr. Rosenblum.
It is not easy but, be strong and keep faith.
My prayers are with you and yours.
Cliff Etzel December 18, 2008
I’ve experienced the loss of someone close – on more than one occasion – Peace be with you and your family Michael.
Namaste’
Annette Sandberg December 18, 2008
Keep the memories tight in your heart. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Peter Wiley December 18, 2008
Please accept my sincere sympathy for your father and your family.
Art December 18, 2008
Life is too short. Peace be with you and your father.